Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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