I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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