haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
