So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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