I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I touched a dick in church today
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
