My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
