so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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