Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
