Betty ford says i'm here all night
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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