so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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