I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
