Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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