Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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