No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am naked and annoyed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So apparently I’m into choking now
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