Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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