I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
