we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
