My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just pee around me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
