Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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