Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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