we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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