She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
