His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize