What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
