she woke up with a sticky ear
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
