I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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