Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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