GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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