uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All the doctor said was why
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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