Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
