You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
