Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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