Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
