It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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