Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
