I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
