your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
