Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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