I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
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I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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