One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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