we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
we're so committed to being not committed
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
