It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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