Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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