1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
