youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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