I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
