Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
