Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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