wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
