somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
