The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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