2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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