sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
