I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
