Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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