my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's just like the Real World with babies
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
