for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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