problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
