Screwed.edu
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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