Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
