My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
