I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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