Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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