I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
