All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
