Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
