i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
