i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
