I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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