so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
